7 Social Hacks: Body Language

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One of the most interesting topics I've ever explored is Body Language or Non-verbal communication. This is anything that you do with your body that sends messages to people. A lot of these are learned through society, but some are biology (see number 5). Some of these are found in and article called PsychTronics: 7 Social Hacks For Manipulating People. Others I've learned in some of my classes for my communications major. Without further or due, here are a few of my favorite tips and tricks to the secret world of body language.

1. Look at the feet and knees. Your feet and knees are the things that you use in order to "point" to the things that you are actively engaged in. So when you are talking to someone, and you're having an intense conversation, look at the ways that your feet and knees are, and you'll notice that your feet or knees, and their feet or knees are actually pointing at you! This then makes it easier to see if someone is engaged when you're on a date, or trying to talk about a serious issue with your partner. If their feet or knees are pointed away from you, they probably are not engaged and not particularly listening to you. 
2. If someone is angry, stand to their side, not their front. This is especially potent when you are engaged with a male. When you stand to their side, you are literally putting yourself on "their side", and they will feel like you understand, and will calm down more easily. 
3. If you want someone to agree with you, nod while you talk. This means that if you are nodding, they will start nodding along with you, and it subconsciously will make them more agreeable. 
4. Look at their eyes. People show the most emotion with their eyes. If they have a crinkle next to their eye and their eyes close a little bit, they are truly smiling and happy. If they don't smile with their eyes, then they are faking it. 
5. When someone is sexually interested in you, their pupils dilate and their lips actually get a little plumper. Very true. Although I wouldn't recommend staring intensely at someone's eyes to see if they are dilated, it is a little easier to see if their lips getting a little more plump and ready for a kiss. 
6. If someone doesn't like you, ask to borrow a pencil. Asking such a small favor that they'll most likely comply with actually makes them like you more. 
7. If someone is lying, people usually use too many details, and they will avoid looking you in the eye. That doesn't mean you say "Look me in the eye and tell me that," because you're giving them the opportunity to trick you. I can stare and anyone and not blink while saying "Yes, that shirt makes you look really manly."

How Soon is Too Soon to Move in Together? 4 Ways to Start the Discussion.

Edwin Serrano photography

This is a topic that I have been exploring for years. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. Even though there have been periods in our relationship where we spend days at a time together, we've both felt that moving in together is something for the "later" category of our lives. "Let's let future Kate and future Jeff decide on that one".

I also know that for a lot of people, there are environmental, social, cultural and situational reasons that influence your decisions. You may feel rushed to move in together, or it just makes sense to move in together and not think too much about it because, hey, you already pretty much spend every minute together anyway.

Moving in with anyone requires planning, mutual understandings, and ground rules. You have to--have to--have a discussion about it. Here are some things to get the conversation started.

This is not a simple decision! One thing is for sure; I don't believe that just because you spend everyday together, it means that you should just move in together without having a real talk about it. But before you talk about it, figure out what it means to you. Do you think it's just a way to get closer to your partner? What "step" in a relationship is it to you? Do you think it's a step towards marriage? Do you think it's a test-run of getting married? Does it have anything to do with getting married? What expectations would you have of your partner?

Chances are, it will change the way your family views your relationship; which is a big step in the relationship.  I've always met parents that believed that moving in together was a huge step (probably because it is?). Most that I've encountered thought that it was something for after marriage. If you're shaking your head and saying "No, it's not a big deal," it really is. If moving in together isn't that big of a deal, than what steps are you missing to being married? A slip of paper? A joint checking account? A wedding album? Chances are, you're missing close to nothing. It's a commitment. To sum it up, you need to ask yourself one major question first. Can you relationship bear the weight of this new commitment to each other? This one has surprised me. I thought that I got my values of relationships and my "steps" from my parents. Not true. To me, moving in was something you do when you want to get married to your partner, but may need to wait for careers to catch up, get a good financial standing, or whatever might be in your way to getting married right then and there. It's when, in your head, you've already made the decision to marry that person. To my mom, it was something you do only after you get married. But, whether or not it means something huge and spectacular to you and your partner, chances are, it will mean something to your parents.

Are you two just moving in to save money? The fact of the matter is, moving in to save money and not because you want to start a life with your partner is no way to go about it. You'll end up putting a strain on the relationship that shouldn't be there, especially if the relationship is new. I've met more than my fair share of men and women who moved in because it "made sense" and because they needed to "save money", and it ended up getting awkward real fast. I knew a guy who moved in with his girlfriend he had been with for 6 months and was madly in love with. It just made sense for her to move in because he needed to save money on rent. They ended up breaking up 3 months into it, and she started dating other guys while they still lived together. What a nightmare!

Talk about expectations. The best piece of advice I ever got from someone was to talk to your partner about what their expectations are of you and your relationship are before you take it to the next level (this applies to marriage as well as moving in together). What if he thinks that moving in together means that you're the one that cleans? What if you don't agree who should put their stuff where (this generally applies to a situation where one partner moves in to another partners place, rather than getting a new place together)? What if she thinks this means you need to buy her an engagement ring in the next few months? What if the rules of sex, life, and fights change?

The one thing I want you to take away from this is that this is a big decision, and this is something the two of you need to talk about before rushing in. It's a big and exciting step in any relationship. Just make sure the two of you are on the same page, that you lay out some ground rules, and that you have a plan for if things go sour (I know, that part is definitely not fun, but it will make both of you relax after you have that awkward conversation).

8 Things 20-somethings Aren't Too Old to Do

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1. Learn something completely new. In college, that's a given. You're there to learn (hopefully) but that doesn't always mean that you're learning things that you might want. Say for example that you are an Graphic Design major, but you're looking forward to traveling Europe when you're out of college. Learn a language, learn about the cultures you want to visit, learn about the history of the places you are going. In college, it's a little easier because you can pick up an elective in an area you are interested in. But when you are out of college, the solution is literally to pick up a book. This way you are learning at a pace that works for your lifestyle and you are still growing. 
2. Have a party. I know, duh. But I know some of you are in your late twenties and are shaking your head no. I am here to tell you that it is NEVER too late to have a party. That doesn't mean I'm encouraging parties like in the Hangover or in Project X. The style of party might vary from person to person, age to age, but the principle is the same. You're never too old to have a party with your favorite people and their friends and their friends friends. It keeps things fresh and introduces you to new people, ideas, and keeps things interesting. 
3. Have sleepovers, blow bubbles, hula hoop, dance, skinny dip, or play a board game. The point is, you are not too old to play. I remember I had an amazing impression of a girl once. The first time I met her, I was 19 and she was 21. She was on her boyfriends bed, hula hooping while eating a sandwich and listening to j-pop. I mean, talk about a great first impression! Not to mention, some of the best parties I've been to, I've whipped out a board game and had a ton of fun. 
4. Change your mind about something. This is the time that you have a pretty darn good idea who and what you are as a person. But it's not too late to change your mind and make changes (hopefully for the better!). This could mean political issues, things you are passionate about, things you like, heck, even your favorite color. Try to keep an open mind, and keep expanding your horizons.
5. Adopt a new style. Now which style you adopt might be up for debate, but it's never too late to change your wardrobe. Add new colors, adopt the latest trend, or change your hair. Especially when you are just beginning your life. Maybe you are still in college with a job at Starbucks. Dye your hair that crazy color, try out those short skirts, wear lots of make up (or none at all!) and just have fun with your style. This is the time of your life that you're nearly expected to have a crazy style, so just go for it. You don't want to be in your 50's and regret never having tried a style that you just can't pull off anymore, right? You're in your prime. Go for it. 
6. Pick up your stuff, and go on an adventure. I recently read a quote that say when you're young, you have the energy and time to go on an adventure, but no money. When you're in the middle of your life, you have the money and energy, but no time. When you're older, you have all the money and time, but no energy. So make the money and go on your adventure; it's something you'll carry with you always. 
7. Stay up late. This one is tricky. Because as your responsibilities grow, you need to be attuned to them and stay alert and rested to carry them out. But here's the thing: right now, your body can handle it. You think you're miserable now having a night out in the city and then being a little sleepy for work? Try doing that when you're 40. You'll be passing out, throwing up, and begging your co-workers to kill you. 
8. To ask questions. This one is very important. Your parents tried their best, but there might be some gaps in your knowledge. No, in fact, there is the definite chance that there is some blaring knowledge gap that you avoid talking about because you don't want to sound stupid. My advice, ask your closest friend or your significant other about it. If they're good friends, they won't judge you for asking. Too embarrassed? Ask the internet. Examples, "What the hell is 'chic'?" or "What's the difference Champagne and Sparkling wine?"

12 Things That Will Make You Happy Right Now

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We all have those days where you wake up and you're just in a bad mood. Here are some quick fixes for when you just feel like you need a small pick-me-up! It's science. Some of these things you can do at once (like sip some coffee and do some meditative walking) and others will take only a few seconds.

1. Smell your boyfriend's shirt. Crazy, right? But according to an article written in a Cosmopolitan magazine by Anna Davies, studies have shown that any random dude's sweat can reduce tension in women. And if it's your boyfriend's shirt? It results in a phenomenon called comfort smelling that makes you feel happier. Don't have your guy's shirt laying around? Smell some sunblock. Your brain will associate the smell with lazy days by the pool, vacations and summer fun. 
2. Look at pictures of cute animals. I know this one sounds cheesy, but there has been significant research that points to it being very effective in making you happy and lifting your spirits. Here are some adorable ones to look at: 20 Pictures That Will Make You Feel Happy.
3. Munch on some chocolate or sip on coffee. According to an article Marshall Brian, caffeine can raise dopamine levels in your brain, and there is caffeine in both chocolate and coffee. Just don't drink or eat too much of it, as it can have the opposite effect when you crash. Just a square of chocolate or a small cup of coffee will do. In fact...
4. Eat foods rich in Vitamin B. Vitamin B is a vitamin that is linked to energy, happiness, and your metabolism. The list of foods is long, but the foods with the most significant source of Vitamin B are fish (salmon), spinach, chicken, and blueberries. Also, funny enough, avocados have serotonin in them. Maybe a spinach salad with chicken and avocado?
5. Take a 10 minute power nap. Power naps are your biggest tool in fighting off sleepiness and low energy levels. According to a recent article, "The 10-minute nap produced immediate improvements in all outcome measures (including sleep latency, subjective sleepiness, fatigue, vigor, and cognitive performance), with some of these benefits maintained for as long as 155 minutes." I know it might be tempting to keep sleeping after only 10 minutes, but don't! Naps lasting longer than 20 minutes have shown to have the opposite effect; they make you feel less energized and more groggy. 
6. Have a chat with your happiest friend. Surrounding yourself with happy people might be the last thing you want to do when you're having an off day, but studies have shown that happiness is infectious! You don't even necessarily have to talk to them, just be around them. 
7. Listen to music. Listening to happy music can actually make you happier! My personal favorite is Sea Wolf. It instantly makes me feel happy. 
8. Stop and smell the roses. Specifically, I mean when you are walking to work, class, or when you have time, just try to be really aware of all the colors, smells and sounds around you. I generally do this on my way to class. I look at all the flowers, maybe stop and pick one, and smell the crisp morning air. This is also very similar to meditative walking. 
9. Get some sunlight. Sunlight, when it hits your skin for 10-20 minutes (depending on the pigments in your skin) gives you lots of Vitamin D, which can lift your spirits. Lack of exposure to sunlight has actually been linked with varying degrees of depression. Maybe eat lunch outside, or go for a small walk. 
10. Do a good deed. We all know that feeling we get after we help someone with the door, tell someone they dropped something, or given good news. It makes us happy! Find a good deed to do.
11. Fake it 'til you make it. Pretending to be happy (like smiling, even if you feel like you have nothing to smile about) can actually send happy messages to your brain. 
12. If nothing else works, watch this gif while listening to this song (don't worry, it's work appropriate).

5 Things You Should Do in the Morning

With all the ways things are now-a-days, there are plenty of things that get lost in the rush of life. We have to get up, catch the bus, beat traffic, get to work or school, eat lunch, get home, feed the cat, catch dinner with friends, get sleep. But there are times where just taking an extra 20 minutes in your morning to relax and get yourself ready for the day can have some great pay offs.

1. Get up a little earlier. Not feeling rushed will help you feel more relaxed throughout the day, and it leaves time for you to...
2. Eat breakfast. The days of skipping breakfast are over. There are studies that report women who eat breakfast weighed less than those who didn't. That's because eating breakfast within the first 30 minutes of being awake revs up your metabolism for the rest of the day, making you weigh less. 
3. 3 minute Yoga Routine. I recommend trying this one out. Doing yoga in the morning helps you stay relaxed and calm for the day, and even regulates your sleep rhythm! Check out the 7 Benefits of Early-Morning Yoga. You could also just go for a 3-5 minute walk. 
4. Read something. You don't have to read the newspaper or even something that impressive, just read the articles your friends post, a romance novel you're reading, or a magazine. Reading in the morning can help you focus better for the rest of the day.
5. Get ready for the day. For some, this is a no-brainer. But for others, there are a lot of mornings that you would rather hit the snooze button a couple more times than get ready for the day. But let me tell you... you might not smell your morning breath, but everyone else can. Going straight from your bed, to a quick jean swap and out the door leaves you smelling and looking like you don't care at all about your appearance. Not to mention, it can make you feel icky all day! Just get up; hitting the snooze button doesn't actually make you feel anymore rested. Also, a tip: screens like your phone can actually lower melatonin levels and make you feel more awake. If you're having a really hard time getting up, check your facebook for 5 minutes instead of hitting the snooze button!

To Be, or Not To Be... Vegan?

"Oh great, who invited the herbivore?"
"I brought hummus."
happyherbivore.com

One thing that I've learned in my years at college is the beauty, controversy, rules, and opinions surrounding the "vegan lifestyle". I've had plenty of vegan friends, vegetarian friends, and carnivore friends. I've always loved to dabble in the occasional vegan meal, but I had never fully committed. 

But as of November of 2013 (so before the holidays really started rolling around) I decided that I wanted to try being vegan for real. My mom had been juicing on and off for three weeks and had maintained, for the most part, a vegan lifestyle (even if she didn't want to admit that she was vegan). She lost 16 pounds! I was amazed. I'd heard that celebrities like Kelly Osbourne had gone vegan to lose weight and then maintain their weight, but I guess with all the crazy diets surrounding celebrities, I didn't believe it to really be a "weight loss" thing. But with my mom? Different story. I'd seen all the crazy diets she had done. I'd seen her go through weight watchers, "no carbs", South Beach diet, and the like. 

Anyway, since I have had so many vegan friends, I knew a lot about the vegan diet and I essentially knew where to start. I bought myself a vegan cookbook (anyone who knows me knows that I basically carry my vegan cookbook everywhere), and I just started. 

I'm happy to say that through my ups and downs, cheats and wins, crying and smiling, my vegan diet so far has been pretty successful. I have two things to say.

First, it does work as a weight loss solution. Even through the holidays, I didn't gain a single pound. In fact, I lost 4 pounds (if you knew how much I did eat, you'd know that's a definite accomplishment). I also find that my health has improved, my stomach is happier, and weirdly, my feet have shrunk (I guess my usual diet consisted of a lot of salt?).

Second, the myth and stigma surrounding vegan lifestyle, even among the avid juicers, healthy eaters, and crazy dieters is absurd. And that's what I would mainly like to point out. 

The first thing people always ask after I inform them that I am vegan is "Why?" I have such a complex answer to that, that I still just don't have a good short, quick explanation. As I pause and fumble for the right way to respond, whoever is present shoots off and starts telling me how meat is good for you, we have canine teeth, we need meat, without meat you can't grow muscle, on and on and on. 

The one thing I've never understood is why people are so quick to assume that by informing them that I am vegan is insinuating that humans don't need meat. Of course, I know humans need meat, I know our ancestors from thousands and thousands of years ago started the evolution to the healthy and fully functioning brains we have today because of meat. But they did not eat meat and animal products for breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snack, midnight snack, etc. They did not have a constant flow of meat and animal products day in and day out. Yet this is nearly the American way! 

At every usual, typical, American meal there is an abundance of animal products floating around. Why? 

Yet every time I go out with family, go to Starbucks, go to a party I don't ask the people eating enormous quantities of animal products why they are eating it. So why would you ask me why I choose not to eat it? It makes no sense to me. 

Second, I would like to briefly explain some facts about being vegan. There are many reasons to go vegan. I have always felt that there is an extreme mistreatment of our animals and I don't think it's right. For some, that is reason enough. I remember once, in a Persuasive Speech class, a girl was trying to persuade the class to go vegetarian/vegan. She made a great alternative solution if you were not willing to go vegan "If you could cut down your consumption of meat by half, you would still be making a huge statement." 

I do however, believe that humans need meat. So I have tried to not think about it, and have kind of stayed in the background, eaten less meat (because I think that's a valid point, and I think Americans eat too much meat as it is) and just hoped that the people strong enough to be vegan will make a loud enough statement that the treatment of animals will change. 

Another simple reason to go vegan? As long as you avoid TVP and vegan cheese (the vegan cheese really isn't that tasty anyway), your food is pretty much guaranteed to be unprocessed. I mean think about it. That vegan cupcake? Made with margarine, applesauce, 72% dark chocolate, sugar, whole wheat flour, baking soda. Those vegan chips? Potatoes, sunflower seed oil, and salt. Vegan beans simply forgo pig lard. Vegan bread is usually only 4-5 ingredients, all of which you can pronounce and picture in your head. In short, the ingredient list on vegan foods are awfully short. And isn't that a good thing?

The hardest thing about going vegan at first was I had to give up taco bell, peppermint bark popcorn, caramel chews, whole fat caramel lattes, and a bunch of other not-good-for-you stuff and replaced it with strawberries and sugar, black coffee, vegan french toast, and home-made tacos. So really, how can I be doing myself a disservice?

The last and least "honest" reasons to go vegan? I'm lactose-intolerant anyway, may as well avoid eggs, meat, gelatin, and all that other stuff. It's cheap. It makes you lose weight. It forces me to eat my veggies and like them. It forces me to eat less and to be conscious about what I'm putting into my body. 

Vegan diets can be done wrong, don't think I don't know that. It's a constant balance of proteins, carbs, vitamin B, etc. This balance, when planned and informed about correctly, is not only possible but quite easy once you get in the swing of things. But it's also that balance that makes you plan your visits to the grocery store, forces you to eat that damn healthy sandwich you need to eat when all you want is a nice juicy burger, a milkshake, and fries (which is, what, 2,000 calories?).

I'm not trying to convince anyone to go vegan. I'm actually just making the point that it's a choice, and you shouldn't shame someone for their choices. Especially one that is about their health! You can't argue that an unprocessed diet--full of fruits, veggies, and grains--is so bad that you need to lecture them and convince them to eat the foods they don't want to eat. 

What I want you to take away from this article is this: the next time someone tells you that they're vegan you shouldn't say "Why?" You should say, "Awesome. That takes some willpower. How's it working out for you?"

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All Possible Futures, January 14–February 13

http://www.somarts.org

"All Possible Futures explores the potential of graphic design and celebrates a questioning of boundaries regarding concepts, processes, technologies, and form.Contemporary speculative pieces take the form of both physical objects and restaged installations." (somarts.org)

Where: 934 Brannan St. (Between 8th and 9th) San Francisco, CA.
When: Opening event Thursday, January 16th, 2014, 6pm-9pm.
Gallery Hours: Tuesday-Friday from 12-7pm and
                       Saturday from 12-5pm.

I'm really looking forward to this show, and will be uploading some pictures and reviews of the artwork and the gallery. I'm going to go on the opening night and probably one more time late January. I hope some of you can come! This kind of installation art is beautiful, and it's amazing how they can visualize futures, and philosophies.

Review for The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

4.5/5 stars for the Secret Life of Walter Mitty

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is heartwarming, earnest, and leaves you with a sense of wonderment for your own life and the potential that it holds. Although I'm not sure this is the type of movie I could watch again and again, this is the kind of movie that I will think about and have meaningful conversations about. This is definitely the kind of movie through which metaphors and symbolism are so prominent that it would be best seen before dinner, and discussed after. Especially if you have read the short story.

I don't want to give anything away, but this movie does have some differences from the short story. I have not read the short story (but I intend to very soon!) but my step father has and said that it left him feeling like they missed something out of the plot, and when the movie ended he was almost waiting for the punch line. Not having read the book, when the movie ended, it made me want to run and catch a plane to somewhere and just see the world.

This is a movie about Walter Mitty finding himself. Literally and figuratively. I highly recommend that you see it on the big screen as well. You won't be sorry!

Vegan Chai Snickerdoodle Cookies

Photo by Vanessa Rees

Alright. I was touring Target with my parents and I stumbled upon a heart-shaped tupperwear container. I instantly fell in love and wanted to start baking immediately. So I bought it and ran home.

Now, I was spending the weekend with my parents, so when I got home, I actually didn't have my usual ingredients. Being a newly found vegan, I wanted to make some cookies for my new container that were vegan, small, and delicious. I started scouring the internet, expecting to have to be searching for a while because I assumed I wouldn't have a lot of the ingredients (and I didn't want to go back to the store).

And then I found it. This delicious recipe I got off "The Post Punk Kitchen" seemed simple enough and the pictures made the cookies look chewy and tasty. I did change the recipe slightly for what was in the kitchen. Instead of cardamom, I used more cinnamon and a little bit of nutmeg. It made the "chai" taste very subtle and I loved it! I also didn't have canola oil, so I used coconut oil instead. 

It's safe to say that this is a new staple in my recipe book. It's very tasty, and a must try while it's still cold out!

Vegan Chai Snickerdoodle Cookies

For regular Cinnamon Sugar topping:
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

OR you could make the chai topping...

For the Chai topping:
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
pinch cloves

For the cookies:
1/2 cup coconut OR canola oil
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup pure maple syrup
3 tablespoons non-dairy milk (I used almond milk)
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Preheat oven to 350 F. Line 2 large baking sheets with parchment paper.

Mix the topping ingredients together on a dinner plate. Set aside.

In a medium mixing bowl, use a fork to vigorously mix together oil, sugar, syrup, and milk. Mix for at least a minute, until it resembles applesauce. Then mix in vanilla.

Sift in remaining ingredients, stirring as you add them. Once all ingredients are added mix until you’ve got a pliable dough. Get in there with your hands to mix, it’s the easiest way to get the dough to come together.

With clean, moist hands, roll dough into walnut sized balls. Pat into the sugar topping to flatten into roughly 2 inch discs. Transfer to baking sheet, sugar side up, at least 2 inches apart (they do spread a little). This should be easy as the the bottom of the cookies should just stick to your fingers so you can just flip them over onto the baking sheet. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes, they should be a bit browned on the bottoms. Remove from oven and let cool for 5 minutes, then transfer to a cooling rack to cool completely.

Enjoy!

5 Ways to Keep Your Facebook Classy

With the way the world is today--with texting, sexting, snapchat, twitter and facebook--it's easy for text to be read in a thousand different ways when there is no tone or body language present. This makes the "rules of engagement" easy to forgo, easy to misinterpret, and easy to manipulate. That being said, it's important for you to set ground rules for yourself when you are making posts, posting images, or what have you.

Now I'm not saying I'm perfect, nor am I saying that you should take every single piece of my advice, but I think with the New Year come and gone, and perhaps some embarrassing photos being posted, here are my "rules" that I have for myself. Maybe you could adopt some for yourself, maybe they'll just inspire you to make your own, or maybe you'll like all of them and add some more. Whatever your fancy, here it goes.

1. Don't post anything passive aggressive. Don't get me wrong, I am MORE than guilty of this one (sadly, not even that long ago). But all this does is make you look like you're playing the victim and, quite frankly, it makes you look like an attention whore. Whether that's your intention or not is not the issue; that's what at least 90% of your friends are thinking. And come on, it's just not classy. You want to handle your drama behind closed doors in a timely and mature manner, not in a super passive aggressive way on Facebook. If for no other reason than that you do NOT want a future (or current) employer to see that. They'll think it speaks to your character. 
2. Don't posts too many (if any) butt/boob/shirtless pictures. Specifically I mean the pictures where you are pretty much posting a picture of just your boobs and MAYBE your lips, or you are turning around in the bathroom and just essentially taking a picture of your butt, or you are clearly in your bedroom, with your shirt off and just went "hey, yeah man, I look great. I need to show these abs to everyone I know!" First of all, unless you are ripped like the men in 300, women rarely think it's hot. It just makes you look like a player. Second of all, I've only ever searched for those kinds of pictures of Jared Leto or Channing Tatum. Ladies, don't do the boobs or butt because that shows little to no respect for your body. Don't flash that stuff for just anyone! Especially the internet. And really, prince charming is looking for a classy girl, not "boob girl". Come on ladies! You're better than that. And again, if it must be said... potential employer stumbles on your album titled "cOnFiDeNcE<3"? I'm pretty sure you'll lose brownie points.
3. Try to make less than 20% of your photos be selfies. This one might be controversial for some. I know more than enough people who pretty much exclusively post pictures of themselves. But I'll break it down. a) selfies get boring for your audience real fast. Unless you're famous. And even then, there's a limit. b) no one cares unless you got a new hair cut, make over, hair do, hat, outfit, crazy sunburn, braces off, or maybe even plastic surgery. Essentially, something has to be different about you/your face. c) at least for me, every time I see a selfie, I imagine just how many pictures you actually took of yourself before you were finally satisfied. Not to mention, I could have probably read 40 pages of my new book in the time it would take some people I know to finish taking selfies. Essentially, you could be doing so much more things with your time. d) if a potential employer sees all the pictures you take in class of yourself, in the bathroom, at your desk, etc, what kind of employee might you be? Just picture it. You got your tube of lipstick, your arm outstretched in the air with your camera phone at your desk, posting duck face pictures. #firstday #nervous! Yeah #fired. 
4. Post statuses that you would essentially send in a mass text to everyone you know (family, friends, neighbors, etc). On days that I'm sick and crazy bored, I give in and sometimes post meaningless statuses like "omg I do not want to be sick anymore". Alright, fine, you got me. But if anyone posts statuses like, "my hair smells weird" or "buying a diet coke"... come on. Facebook should almost be treated as an announcement bulletin. If you wouldn't get on a microphone and say it to everyone you know in a large music hall, don't post it.
5. Take Facebook event invites seriously. This is probably the most misused and mistreated part of Facebook. People see the invite, they just post maybe because they cannot be bothered with checking their schedule now, and then when people start posting on the invite, or when the host reminds everyone to RSVP, people just turn off the notifications and don't bother to RSVP. The best part is the people who are usually guilty of this are also the people passive aggressively posting how they have no friends that invite them anywhere. Take RSVPing and Facebook invites seriously, and I promise you, you'll get a lot more respect from your friends!

In short, yes. 

HBO Show Girls: The Conflict in the Feminist View Today

HBO "Girls"

“Girls” has a reflective nature to it. This drama mirrors a contradictory and simultaneous transitional nature of the current state of women's roles, expectations, and definitions of love and sex. It offers no solutions, and instead hopes to bring about an understanding of women's floundering and seeming carelessness. This show is a refreshing alternative to mainstream media, but as a reflective show that mirrors reality, it does not, however, challenge the role of women in their everyday lives. In almost all shows, romance is the main focus—a woman is not complete unless she has a relationship or some version of a relationship in her life.

More specifically, to strip this down even further, without the desire of someone or for someone, your life is not interesting—it’s an abnormality that has seeped so far into our culture that we don’t even see how strange it is to think something so trivial is abnormal. It is for this reason that this show is just more of the same, with characters that look more like people you’d meet in real life, with dialogue that is more common for our generation. But the difference is that instead of mirroring the problems with this desire that we all seem to think is necessary for a happy life, it’s is reaffirming this notion through it’s story lines, plots, characters, and dialogue.

“Girls” is created, written, and directed by self-proclaimed feminist Lana Dunham in 2012; she also plays the main character ‘Hannah’. Wow, pretty impressive, right? But this makes it so that the audience is left with one almost untainted message sent by Lana Dunham.

First, a "brief" description of the show. In a short description of the show on the back of the box set, this show is about a group of women in their early twenties in New York and their adventures in post-colligate floundering. The show follows 4 women that are completely different in their expectations of each other, of life, and of love.

When you look at any TV show, or even when you are talking to your friend, it is almost expected that in some area of your life you have a potential romantic partner. In an interesting conversation that I had with a couple, I was discussing my male friend that has been happily single and does not have any women in the horizon. Their first reactions were to ask if he was gay, because to not be actively seeking women was so profound and abnormal that there had to be some excuse for the behavior. This is a similar ideal that is portrayed through the mainstream media. Until you have “won the dating game”, or in other words found the desire you are seeking (whether it be marriage, casual sex, or simply a boyfriend), or being desired by someone (whether it be someone wanting to be your boyfriend, want you sexually, or want to be around you constantly) you are not complete. This is an interesting ultimatum that is presented to our youth. On the one hand, women are encouraged to “be their own woman”, to be strong, independent and to break the mold of needing a man. And yet, the same self-proclaimed “feminists” dominating our media, writing our TV shows, and sending messages to our youths are not only encouraging, but reaffirming this out-dated notion that one (be it male or female) is not complete without a relationship.

Let's look at each of the characters individually...

Hannah is a self-important writer with a need to always make the wrong decision in order to fully understand why it was the wrong decision. She makes plenty of mistakes and is often seen dancing between the line of responsibility and self-exploration. She doesn’t feel like she can have one without the other. She is involved, at least superficially, with a man named Adam. Adam is an oddball character that seems to have some type of problem unbeknownst to the audience. He often talks in a skittish way, and talks in a way common for men in this generation—an all-knowing, weirdly aggressive way that seems to excite Hannah. Through the exploration of their relationship, they are only ever seen talking about sex, loosely defining the way that they label their relationship (or how they seem to be adamant on defining their relationship, but equally adamant about keep away from labels), having sex, or arguing about the lack of clarity in their relationship. In one episode where she travels to visit her parents in her hometown, Hannah finds that without her dysfunctional relationship with Adam, she is reckless, and abandons her parent’s anniversary dinner to briefly explore a sexual desire with an old high school friend. Again, without the looming presence of her "boyfriend" (because let's me honest, that's what he is!), she puts the value of desire above the value of her family. Although this makes for an interesting dynamic to watch unfold on television, it is not encouraging or in sync with Lena Dunham’s profound “feminist” values.

Hannah is rooming with her best friend, Marnie, a seemingly well put-together and successful woman who wears beautifully classy clothes and works at an art gallery. She tends to be a voice of reason for Hannah (that Hannah tends to promptly ignore). She has a boyfriend named Charlie that smothers her with love. She aptly describes his touch as reminding her of her creepy uncle that brushes his hand over her leg under the table at Thanksgiving. While the definitions of desire are clearly different to each of the characters in the show “Girls”, and therefore play out in completely different ways, the notion is still the same. Everyone is seeking to feel and experience desire in one way or the other. These girls are seeking to be desired whether it be by their past boyfriends that were providing a “smothering love” or a man who is seemingly uninterested and plays no part in their lives other than a fulfillment of sexual desire. More specifically, you have Marnie, a woman who is seemingly put together and highly successful. Once the man—this case her boyfriend, Charlie—is taken out of the equation she completely falls apart; she is seen as wallowing in her own despair in an unflatteringly large T-shirt with sweatpants and her hair in a messy bun, flipping through her boyfriend’s Facebook pictures that are with his new girlfriend, crying and miserably listening to her roommate, Hannah, having sex with Adam in the next room. Without her boyfriend, she is nothing. She is left to crumble and fall apart because apparently she is nothing without him. The most interesting piece of evidence is the slow decline of the friendship between Hannah and Marnie. During an argument where Marnie is accusing Hannah of being a bad friend and a very selfish person, Hannah then says, “Maybe we are over thinking this. Maybe you’re just mad that you don’t have a boyfriend and I do.” At this point, Marnie completely crumbles. She throws her toothbrush in an unusual display of loss of control, and rushes back to her room. Her an Hannah promptly decide that they don’t like each other anymore and Marnie says she’s moving out. Even as this jealousy really has nothing to do with each other (if this is the case, as Marnie vehemently denies it), the concept of having a boyfriend or not having a boyfriend is something that tears these two friends apart.

Hannah and Marnie are friends with Jessa. Jessa is a woman that refuses to be tied down—she travels the world and does glamorous things in many different glamorous countries. She’s strange kind of bo-ho chic, but clearly the embodiment of the hippie side of our youth culture. She is all about living in the moment, having a good time, and being “free”. Even in the most complex character, Jessa, she feels that the answer to all her problems and the way that she would gain the responsibility needed to be successful life is to marry the next man that desires her. In one episode where she realizes that she is the cause of a lot of hurt and pain in people that she is with (either platonically or romantically), Jessa seems to think that the solution and the way to take responsibility in her life is to marry the first man that makes her feel desired. After a surprise wedding that her friends didn’t expect (but can’t deny is totally something Jessa would do) Hannah asks Jessa if she feels like a grown up. Jessa takes a moment to think about this and says happily, “Yes, I do.” The interesting thing is that Jessa is still jobless, still is adrift with no place to call her own, no ambitions, and hardly any way of supporting herself, and yet before building her foundations for herself and managing the responsibility on her own, she feels that marrying a man she barely knows is a better and more responsible way to become a grown up. The contradiction and the message that is being sent is undeniable; although I do think that Jessa is supposed to feel and look unstable and is grabbing anything to float on when she feels she is sinking, this is still an interesting direction that the writer would take.

Her cousin is Shoshanna; a youthful, virginal, and nearly child-like woman that seems to be the comical relief for the show that is seeking for a way to loose her unwanted virginity. This seems to be as complex for her as finding a job is for Hannah—she needs previous experience in order to fulfill the requirements. In her journey to "correct" her virginity, it becomes clear she feels like she is a “freak” and like there is something wrong with her. Although the writer seems to make this about self-discovery it’s very contrary to the idea that women should be striving for independence and should be self-accepting of themselves the way they are. There is an episode where Shoshanna is when an old college classmate and he making moves to have sex with her. As they progress towards having sex, it is very clear just how uncomfortable Shoshanna is. Eventually she bursts out, “Do you want to just have sex?” He looks up at her and says, “I really like how all of this is going. It’s so chill.” She then starts rambling in her usual way, and slips in that “it’s no big deal, but just in case I scream, but seriously, it’s like, not a bid deal, but I’ve never had sex before and, again, it’s no big deal…” and that is when her partner then moves away from her and simply says, “Yeah I’m not into that. I mean, I’ll have sex with you after you’ve already had sex but virgins get attached and I’m just not into that.” This further proves the notion that Shoshanna is incomplete without the loss of her virginity. She will not be fully part of the dating world nor will she be fully accepted by men until she’s already had sex. But if that’s the case, then how in the world is she going to lose her virginity if no one will have sex with her until she’s lost her virginity? It’s an interesting struggle to watch the character sift through, but it’s not the kind of message that a true feminist would want to send.

So what's the point? I'll answer that with a question. Why is it that Shoshanna needs to be having sex and needs to be desired in order to feel complete? Why is it that Jessa feels that the way to get her life “on track” is to marry a man that she claims to be madly in love with, but it really the first man that she met and went on a dinner date with after she realizes she needs to put herself together? Why is it that once Marnie sees Charlie is moved on, she completely crumbles? Even when she was with him, she didn’t seem to want or appreciate him. Isn't there even the saying that you cannot truly be with someone until you yourself are complete; you cannot expect someone else to complete you? Yet, we are bombarded by these constant messages that reaffirm that no one—man or woman—is complete without desire.

Because of laws that have long since passed, such as women’s right to vote, their standings in the military, and their roles in the workforce, things can be quite confusing. You are addressed by women from other generations pulling you toward the image of the dutiful housewife, shy, virginal, youthful and almost ignorant to your choices, and then there is the still new and developing pull of being independent, changing the definitions of sex and relationships, the way in which you are supposed to accept yourself and reject the mainstream ideal of beauty and love. These two alternatively conflicting and bombarding images can make any young woman feel lost and cause them to flounder nearly uncontrollably in the face of such radical ideals.

In the face of shows like “Girls” that are described as “refreshing”, and “a breakthrough”, I don’t think we are focusing on the correct thing. Albeit, it is important that the media portray more “real” women so as woman can grow up having a more realistic view of themselves and others. But the problem remains; these shows are focused on relationships, however dysfunctional, and driving home the notion that life is meaningless without desire. This is the notion we need to remove, this is what we need to change, and this is an ideology that is truly harming our culture by inevitably creating a constant state of unhappiness.