HBO Show Girls: The Conflict in the Feminist View Today

HBO "Girls"

“Girls” has a reflective nature to it. This drama mirrors a contradictory and simultaneous transitional nature of the current state of women's roles, expectations, and definitions of love and sex. It offers no solutions, and instead hopes to bring about an understanding of women's floundering and seeming carelessness. This show is a refreshing alternative to mainstream media, but as a reflective show that mirrors reality, it does not, however, challenge the role of women in their everyday lives. In almost all shows, romance is the main focus—a woman is not complete unless she has a relationship or some version of a relationship in her life.

More specifically, to strip this down even further, without the desire of someone or for someone, your life is not interesting—it’s an abnormality that has seeped so far into our culture that we don’t even see how strange it is to think something so trivial is abnormal. It is for this reason that this show is just more of the same, with characters that look more like people you’d meet in real life, with dialogue that is more common for our generation. But the difference is that instead of mirroring the problems with this desire that we all seem to think is necessary for a happy life, it’s is reaffirming this notion through it’s story lines, plots, characters, and dialogue.

“Girls” is created, written, and directed by self-proclaimed feminist Lana Dunham in 2012; she also plays the main character ‘Hannah’. Wow, pretty impressive, right? But this makes it so that the audience is left with one almost untainted message sent by Lana Dunham.

First, a "brief" description of the show. In a short description of the show on the back of the box set, this show is about a group of women in their early twenties in New York and their adventures in post-colligate floundering. The show follows 4 women that are completely different in their expectations of each other, of life, and of love.

When you look at any TV show, or even when you are talking to your friend, it is almost expected that in some area of your life you have a potential romantic partner. In an interesting conversation that I had with a couple, I was discussing my male friend that has been happily single and does not have any women in the horizon. Their first reactions were to ask if he was gay, because to not be actively seeking women was so profound and abnormal that there had to be some excuse for the behavior. This is a similar ideal that is portrayed through the mainstream media. Until you have “won the dating game”, or in other words found the desire you are seeking (whether it be marriage, casual sex, or simply a boyfriend), or being desired by someone (whether it be someone wanting to be your boyfriend, want you sexually, or want to be around you constantly) you are not complete. This is an interesting ultimatum that is presented to our youth. On the one hand, women are encouraged to “be their own woman”, to be strong, independent and to break the mold of needing a man. And yet, the same self-proclaimed “feminists” dominating our media, writing our TV shows, and sending messages to our youths are not only encouraging, but reaffirming this out-dated notion that one (be it male or female) is not complete without a relationship.

Let's look at each of the characters individually...

Hannah is a self-important writer with a need to always make the wrong decision in order to fully understand why it was the wrong decision. She makes plenty of mistakes and is often seen dancing between the line of responsibility and self-exploration. She doesn’t feel like she can have one without the other. She is involved, at least superficially, with a man named Adam. Adam is an oddball character that seems to have some type of problem unbeknownst to the audience. He often talks in a skittish way, and talks in a way common for men in this generation—an all-knowing, weirdly aggressive way that seems to excite Hannah. Through the exploration of their relationship, they are only ever seen talking about sex, loosely defining the way that they label their relationship (or how they seem to be adamant on defining their relationship, but equally adamant about keep away from labels), having sex, or arguing about the lack of clarity in their relationship. In one episode where she travels to visit her parents in her hometown, Hannah finds that without her dysfunctional relationship with Adam, she is reckless, and abandons her parent’s anniversary dinner to briefly explore a sexual desire with an old high school friend. Again, without the looming presence of her "boyfriend" (because let's me honest, that's what he is!), she puts the value of desire above the value of her family. Although this makes for an interesting dynamic to watch unfold on television, it is not encouraging or in sync with Lena Dunham’s profound “feminist” values.

Hannah is rooming with her best friend, Marnie, a seemingly well put-together and successful woman who wears beautifully classy clothes and works at an art gallery. She tends to be a voice of reason for Hannah (that Hannah tends to promptly ignore). She has a boyfriend named Charlie that smothers her with love. She aptly describes his touch as reminding her of her creepy uncle that brushes his hand over her leg under the table at Thanksgiving. While the definitions of desire are clearly different to each of the characters in the show “Girls”, and therefore play out in completely different ways, the notion is still the same. Everyone is seeking to feel and experience desire in one way or the other. These girls are seeking to be desired whether it be by their past boyfriends that were providing a “smothering love” or a man who is seemingly uninterested and plays no part in their lives other than a fulfillment of sexual desire. More specifically, you have Marnie, a woman who is seemingly put together and highly successful. Once the man—this case her boyfriend, Charlie—is taken out of the equation she completely falls apart; she is seen as wallowing in her own despair in an unflatteringly large T-shirt with sweatpants and her hair in a messy bun, flipping through her boyfriend’s Facebook pictures that are with his new girlfriend, crying and miserably listening to her roommate, Hannah, having sex with Adam in the next room. Without her boyfriend, she is nothing. She is left to crumble and fall apart because apparently she is nothing without him. The most interesting piece of evidence is the slow decline of the friendship between Hannah and Marnie. During an argument where Marnie is accusing Hannah of being a bad friend and a very selfish person, Hannah then says, “Maybe we are over thinking this. Maybe you’re just mad that you don’t have a boyfriend and I do.” At this point, Marnie completely crumbles. She throws her toothbrush in an unusual display of loss of control, and rushes back to her room. Her an Hannah promptly decide that they don’t like each other anymore and Marnie says she’s moving out. Even as this jealousy really has nothing to do with each other (if this is the case, as Marnie vehemently denies it), the concept of having a boyfriend or not having a boyfriend is something that tears these two friends apart.

Hannah and Marnie are friends with Jessa. Jessa is a woman that refuses to be tied down—she travels the world and does glamorous things in many different glamorous countries. She’s strange kind of bo-ho chic, but clearly the embodiment of the hippie side of our youth culture. She is all about living in the moment, having a good time, and being “free”. Even in the most complex character, Jessa, she feels that the answer to all her problems and the way that she would gain the responsibility needed to be successful life is to marry the next man that desires her. In one episode where she realizes that she is the cause of a lot of hurt and pain in people that she is with (either platonically or romantically), Jessa seems to think that the solution and the way to take responsibility in her life is to marry the first man that makes her feel desired. After a surprise wedding that her friends didn’t expect (but can’t deny is totally something Jessa would do) Hannah asks Jessa if she feels like a grown up. Jessa takes a moment to think about this and says happily, “Yes, I do.” The interesting thing is that Jessa is still jobless, still is adrift with no place to call her own, no ambitions, and hardly any way of supporting herself, and yet before building her foundations for herself and managing the responsibility on her own, she feels that marrying a man she barely knows is a better and more responsible way to become a grown up. The contradiction and the message that is being sent is undeniable; although I do think that Jessa is supposed to feel and look unstable and is grabbing anything to float on when she feels she is sinking, this is still an interesting direction that the writer would take.

Her cousin is Shoshanna; a youthful, virginal, and nearly child-like woman that seems to be the comical relief for the show that is seeking for a way to loose her unwanted virginity. This seems to be as complex for her as finding a job is for Hannah—she needs previous experience in order to fulfill the requirements. In her journey to "correct" her virginity, it becomes clear she feels like she is a “freak” and like there is something wrong with her. Although the writer seems to make this about self-discovery it’s very contrary to the idea that women should be striving for independence and should be self-accepting of themselves the way they are. There is an episode where Shoshanna is when an old college classmate and he making moves to have sex with her. As they progress towards having sex, it is very clear just how uncomfortable Shoshanna is. Eventually she bursts out, “Do you want to just have sex?” He looks up at her and says, “I really like how all of this is going. It’s so chill.” She then starts rambling in her usual way, and slips in that “it’s no big deal, but just in case I scream, but seriously, it’s like, not a bid deal, but I’ve never had sex before and, again, it’s no big deal…” and that is when her partner then moves away from her and simply says, “Yeah I’m not into that. I mean, I’ll have sex with you after you’ve already had sex but virgins get attached and I’m just not into that.” This further proves the notion that Shoshanna is incomplete without the loss of her virginity. She will not be fully part of the dating world nor will she be fully accepted by men until she’s already had sex. But if that’s the case, then how in the world is she going to lose her virginity if no one will have sex with her until she’s lost her virginity? It’s an interesting struggle to watch the character sift through, but it’s not the kind of message that a true feminist would want to send.

So what's the point? I'll answer that with a question. Why is it that Shoshanna needs to be having sex and needs to be desired in order to feel complete? Why is it that Jessa feels that the way to get her life “on track” is to marry a man that she claims to be madly in love with, but it really the first man that she met and went on a dinner date with after she realizes she needs to put herself together? Why is it that once Marnie sees Charlie is moved on, she completely crumbles? Even when she was with him, she didn’t seem to want or appreciate him. Isn't there even the saying that you cannot truly be with someone until you yourself are complete; you cannot expect someone else to complete you? Yet, we are bombarded by these constant messages that reaffirm that no one—man or woman—is complete without desire.

Because of laws that have long since passed, such as women’s right to vote, their standings in the military, and their roles in the workforce, things can be quite confusing. You are addressed by women from other generations pulling you toward the image of the dutiful housewife, shy, virginal, youthful and almost ignorant to your choices, and then there is the still new and developing pull of being independent, changing the definitions of sex and relationships, the way in which you are supposed to accept yourself and reject the mainstream ideal of beauty and love. These two alternatively conflicting and bombarding images can make any young woman feel lost and cause them to flounder nearly uncontrollably in the face of such radical ideals.

In the face of shows like “Girls” that are described as “refreshing”, and “a breakthrough”, I don’t think we are focusing on the correct thing. Albeit, it is important that the media portray more “real” women so as woman can grow up having a more realistic view of themselves and others. But the problem remains; these shows are focused on relationships, however dysfunctional, and driving home the notion that life is meaningless without desire. This is the notion we need to remove, this is what we need to change, and this is an ideology that is truly harming our culture by inevitably creating a constant state of unhappiness.